Archive for the ‘Self-induLgenCe’ Category

Meniti Kedewasaan

Meniti Kedewasaan


Cepat benar kaki melangkah

berjalan menuju di mana saja adanya arah

lantas berpaut pada tiang bila lutut mulai lemah

landai sejenak, akur pada perjalanan agak payah.


Titian di hadapan tidak sedikitpun retak  untuk diseberangi

tiada sedikit cela untuk diharungi

cuma tercalit sekelumit cereka di atasnya

agar penunggang berhenti seketika, membaca

agar peneroka sedar akan hadirnya suatu cerita

dalam setiap langkah titian.. menuju di mana katanya ada desa.


Setiap cereka yang terselit indah antara mata dan bibir

pasti runtun jadi titisan air atau senyuman manis yang terukir

biarkan saja ia

andai di situ jadi tempat terselitnya impi rahsia

dalam meniti titian dewasa

kita belajar kepayahan itu adalah sebuah cerita

kesenangan itu kadang-kadang tidak bisa diteka wujudnya bila.


Titian dewasa ini tebal helaiannya

banyak benar cerekanya

diolahnya pelbagai duka, diselitnya canda gelak tawa

perlahan-lahan ia mengajar kita

tawa itu bukan semata untuk jenaka

keluh itu bukan sekadar bagi yang berduka.


Seperjalanan meniti titian ini

bukan usia menterjemah dewasa

bukan uratan di muka katakan ia tua

namun bila adanya ribut melanda, lantas kita jadi dewasa..



tomyamfan; Meniti Kedewasaan
June 17th, 2012

Before You Learn to Give

If you determine to grow a flower in your soul

Have  patience in your hand and move

If the ground is hard as they put rocks in

You fluff it up and keep digging.


Before you carve out a place to reach in

You know which path is blasted to be the obstacles

When the parrot lies weak by the side of the road

You take off your shirt and give it a blanket.


Before you can feel the pleasure under a shady tree

You travel along the pathway

and lead your soul to the flow

When you see the orchids are withered

You get your drinking water and have them wet.


Till you reach your destination

and you thought you’re too wimpy to survive

You remember the parrot and the orchids who still do

because you gave them hope to live while they defy

You kept the souls living by what you have..

…so you understand before you learn to give, you learn to sacrifice.



tomyamfan; Before You Learn to Give
June 30, 2011

Words of Two

Words of Two

(for the younger to continue)


A long journey to go

With the glorious bubbles of the wave

A night sight of a raining sky and the rhythm made by the clave

We move to sail through a deep sea

We sit and share a single cup of tea.


The grassy boat we sail on

Is a home we build from the salty ocean and the sweet tea

For love we create is spacious, as the sea

and the moments we live are jovial, as the candy.


Those birds and the chirping sound

The ocean and the blue ground

It’s a tale we’re glad to create

A sole fantasy we both plan to serenade

The bliss we wish our juniours can feel true

A treasure we pass to them in space of two

The pure love we pour.. for the children to continue.




A wish i speak up in form of writing and i put them in row of words, so that when my wish becomes reality, and the alphabets are learnt..they read this and they understand


tomyamfan; Words of Two
April 16, 2011.




Bila saja senja menyapa

Kau mula riak buka bicara

Bila layar melabuh hilang syak curiga

Kau mendabik dada mula alpa


Sedang ranting tak bisa kau patahkan

Apa ada untuk kau terus banggakan?

Saat kau bangun tanpa rasa segan

Tidakkah kau tahu semua itu hak pinjaman

Takkan pernah kekal walau hidup dalam angan-angan


Bila berdiri kau rasa rendah

Bila duduk kau rasa tiada yang endah

Tiada yang kena bila jiwa mula serak merekah

Seperti orang bisu terpaku diam dalam resah

Masih kau impi lena di pantai?

Ombak mengalun lantas angin membuai

Masih kau mahu hidup dirantai?

Kaku kemas dalam impian yang masih tidak kau capai

Bukan salah berangan sendiri

Namun pernah kau tanya isi hati?

Adakah benar pengaturan ini?

Mencipta mimpi di siang hari

Mendatar hidup tanpa definisi

Bila angan-angan itu kau sendiri tidak pasti.

Renung saja pada sang pelita

Liuk-liuk cahaya kabur saat mentari mula menerpa

Hapus hilang akur aturan semesta

Lantas biarkan saja angan-anganmu ikut serta

Biar bayu meniup landai tinggal sisa-sisa cerita

Agar bisa kau bangkit mula hidup dalam nyata.

Biar pergi angan-angan itu

Biar termati ribuan mimpi-mimpi palsu

Asal terbukti misi hidup nan satu.



tomyamfan; Angan-angan
March 30, 2011.


Siapa bilang aku lupa bahasa ibundaku
Siapa berani pandang rendah pada Melayu.



the presence of tests

You know, when health and sickness problems come in life, it may be a test of our faith in God. we pray to Allah for the quick healing. indeed He responds to us but along the way when our prayers are answered, we are hard to thank Him in return—we ignore Him because we’re simply blinded by pleasures, and so again we have become ungrateful about the healing.

However without a doubt, every time we don’t get what we ask for, we later start to blame fate. complaints and whines are here and there at lips.. when it happens to me, oftentimes the spiritual enemies doing nothing less than to convince me that God doesn’t hear, unwilling to respond to my prayer. shall i, on my side, follow the enemies? instead i must come to thought that whenever my prayer for the quick healing is not yet answered, perhaps what i’m asking for is really not that good for me for the moment and in fact , it could perhaps harm me worse.

Even until now i keep praying for the tribulation to be less or slowly heal regardless of what i previously went through. the tests are meant to be present in any form. i only need to believe hard while praying.  we know that when Allah brings pain into our lives, He always has a reason.

Never give up praying. everything will be just okay..


tomyamfan; the presence of tests
Jan 1st, 2011 ; 4.30 pm


(sometimes it’s cool to write down what’s messy on mind. it’s such a good restart for the brain to function again)  ^__^

Hopes on a Paper



A palm was hidden in a candy coach

What’s inside was completely not worth to approach

There were just a paper and a piece of wood

They were present to please my mood.


The sound I made was so far from my ear

So low that only papers can hear

It was a dream my pledge promised to keep discreet

I hoped on a paper since world treated me so strict.


I drew a flower on a paper- convinced myself things would be okay

The flower I coloured in yellow slowly started to decay

Was it my fault not to make it pink, or blue?

So that the flower ended up getting true..


Everytime i leave home to survive mud and clay

I ask my hope to always work and stay

Yesterday I hoped on a paper- because reality betrayed me

Today I hope on a paper- because there come belief and certainty.


Get me a pencil and a piece of paper

I’ll draw a smile..a new hope may soon appear~




tomyamfan; Hopes on a Paper
Dec 19th 2010, 3: 35 pm





2010; and few days remaining

Somewhere in the middle of living phase, we wish to go back to childhood. it is where all dreams seem to be true and our fantasies are satisfied. but once we start to grow, the unpleasant truth hits our reality. we feel like rebelling against everyone who criticize our ambitious ideas. we’re dying for dreams we got to sacrifice. and we want to be given support all the time because we know life isn’t a place to stay alone. i  learned that as we get connected to life, we are definitely tied to ups and downs, smile and tears, to jokes and pain.

2010 is another avenue im put to stroll along. throughout my walk, there are times i feel beautiful where i dont mind getting myself in warmth no matter how cold world has been to me. as well there are also times when i need to just fall tears, shout and scream to the sky, or into the pillow because the days dont make me up.

Am I open to solutions? it is great either to find way that i should strive to be independent. i mean not to depend on so many people and things to set me happy. or else, my days would simply be ruined in case of internet stops working, handphone isn’t functioning or friends start betraying. i learned along the way that when things dont go right i shall be able to calm myself down and keep on travelling. i wont let my mind do the thinking about uncertainty so often, because we know well that our mind always makes the situations worse than they actually are. as we come to the reality, we feel relieved for the events are not as bad as we had imagined. see?..

That’s what part of living is about – we’re forever and constantly being presented with situations that challenge us, make us grow, teach us lessons about life. without challenges, life would be slightly dull and we would never grow to become better people. in completing these 365 days, everyday whenever i find my mind wondering, i write down of what i learned, i focus on good, on forgiveness, and understanding. its ok that sometimes im hurt. i rather give way to peace..

2010 almost reaches the end,will 2011 be better? i have no expectation to give, i’ll let  my alphabets jot the events down. even when a mission is completed, another is meant to continue.

1432 H is greeting..whatever good deeds,keep on enhancing. I pray to Allah for longer life in faith. God willing,insyaAllah..


tomyamfan; summarizing 2010
Dec 9th 2010