Archive for the ‘lil piece of mind’ Category

They asked me how well a married life goes

It has been about 10  months. i become a wife at the age of 23 and it’s such a quick answer to my prayer i shall say. it’s never a plan to make a move this fast yet this is what is set for me i believe. the story began since i was born and it traveled chapters by chapters with different live events happening apparently to me until it reaches the chapter when i am married – to a man who first showed up as a stranger :p

In any relationship, everyone is convinced with love, promises, care and protection – so that’s what i get too. i’m promised to be loved perfectly, to be taken care enough and to be protected every minute of life.  but to simply accept promises is not an easy doing indeed. there shall always be doubts here or somewhere in heart because we don’t wish to get hurt silently. that’s why i always had conversation with myself (before marriage) asking how im gonna survive living as a wife bringing about my imperfections. i was too worried.

Gladly, today i find marriage is not a place to condemn  imperfection. rather it pushes you to show what you’re weak at so that the imperfection helps you to be you. everyday without realising i present a weak part of me,my imperfections,my weaknesses – that’s how i move day by day going through d marriage. it isn’t a problem, it’s a process..

“We shall not make things complicated”, my hubs once said.  There i learn that marriage is a special space to know our spouse better because each day brings new thing for both to know each other. that’s the way love grows. as long we fulfill the obligations and sincerity is put at the first place, no way you will find marriage a mistake, nor a burden. Instead, it’s a BIG blessing that you’ll have no words to thank Allah more, for that :)


For dearest hub:-

cintaku buatmu kuukir tanpa ragu
senyumku moga jd pngubatmu
cantikku buat tatapanmu
jelikku jd ujian buatmu
lemahku ditampung oleh kuatnya imanmu
lembutku moga mghalusi jiwamu
segarku utk menyegarkanmu
sakitku diubati oleh lembut tuturmu
bila cinta benar2 kuhayati
kutemui dirimu pengubat sepi 
kerana cintaku buatmu bukan sekadar di dunia
kubawa cinta ini moga smpai ke pintu syurga..


– tomyamfan, 2012©

blues of a kampOng girl

This poor kampung girl who first reached Kuala Lumpur to further her studies in an international university had  a seat in her room thinking of what she’s going to do in 2 years time in the big city. she heard of people talking about ice-skating at the Mines.. (sorry,isn’t it at Sunway?) well,  it was what she first heard :p  People talked about how near Genting Highland is from the university.. but this poor girl sat still, knowing not where to go and what to have.

After 2 years, she completed the studies in the international university and she left the uni with mixed feelings. She knew she will miss those things she had gone through in 2 years time – the place, the people, the animals, the cars, the roads, the buildings, the trains, the food, and the memories she created. She left KL and she knew she would miss it for many reasons.

Now this poor girl is at her hometown trying to recall those moments. She did not have much outing with the friends, she didn’t go for food hunting around KL as much as other people did, she missed Matta Fair every year, she never reached ICT at Shah Alam. Most of the time she spent her days in the room. The farthest she managed to go was……….  (she has no idea)

But she remembered the moments and she missed them. those little things that happened to count her days in KL were the things that she missed the most. the highways- which she learned to speed on the road, the toll – which she learned to use Touch N Go, the traffic jam- where she learned to curse, the bumps in UIA- she learned to be patient, the limited parking lot – which she spent hundreds of Ringgit for summons..and… the trains- which she learned to memorize each station :D

This kampong girl loves all those moments. 2 years in KL, particularly in IIUM taught her a lot.

She could still remember few weeks before she finished the semester when she received cards of wedding invitation from the teslmates. It was a great moment knowing the fact that we have grown up.  we’ll be getting married and will soon hold the responsibilities. 5 years back, all were acting like small children stalking and talking randomly about boys. today most of us are moving into being a wife and a mother. how great to witness all these.. it’s just like observing your sisters growing up and now it’s time to let them go and live their own life.. nothing valuable more than having prayer for them all dear sisters :)

On purpose, this kampong girl will continue her journey- a year more to go with the studies. Nothing special about her life yet she’s grateful for she’s surrounded by wonderful people that  make her life vastly great. Thank you people.. thank you for the moment you shared with me and thank you for the lessons you often taught me :)  I’m stepping forward with better hope everyday. thanks! :)



My bestie Fadhilah is the one who helps me most living life in KL. dealing with a kampong girl, she bears with it :)

The s0-called Madame in the gang – Pn. Wanie, she cheers us up with her jokes. that includes all :P




tomyamfan; Blues of a kampOng girl
April,17 2011

while everyone is trying to find space for themselves

At least once in your lifetime u may be facing a situation which u find it hard to say out even a single word. u are afraid it might harm people or u are afraid u might violate peace.. the situation is hard. all u pray is to have the moment pass very quickly so that everyone releases the pain in order. the fact is u want too see everybody happy, yet because things dont go as smooth as we expect to be,,so we have to somehow wait and wait..we accept fate but in rebellious manner, we do murmur about things we dont understand.

Well lucky this is the place. the place for me to jot down what i don’t understand and to highlight lessons;- here i lay still because along the way i learned a lot through this..



tomyamfan; another part of her heart has not yet spoken up.
March 19th, 2011


It’s not freak anymore when something you really believe to happen, does happen.. it’s like when you believe something turns bad because your left eye is constantly blinking..

I wonder, is that to do with fact, or it’s about believing? contrary to popular belief, i think it might be as such for our mind is properly trained to identify mental process that accompanies feelings. it somehow urges our motivation to send signals that something may happen as we feel it true. things become just possible when we believe.

It’s still fresh in mind how i managed to sprint fast in a 100-metre sprint test (when i was in primary school) because i was told that the drink we’re served before the sprint was added some juice which contains chemical liquid that enables girls becoming powerful like boys. and i won the second place, in spite of how slow i was before!  yet for reality, nothing was added in the water except for syrup cordial and some ice..

It is how psychology plays in our nerves. when we feel something to become strongly true, even the most unexpected part is possible to happen. just like when we send a prayer, we find that it’s soon answered. not because it is accidental, but the slowest voice in our heart helps to motivate us; because we believe..

Psychology adjures mind to hold the circumstances, while belief lets them happen. just like when u believe you’re going to be loaded with money when your right palm feels itchy. it happens, because you believe so..and your slowest voice prays for it too =)

Most of the time, it’s psychology that manipulates our living such beautiful way..



tomyamfan; psychology;- when she was just being psychoed.
Jan 31st, 2011

the presence of tests

You know, when health and sickness problems come in life, it may be a test of our faith in God. we pray to Allah for the quick healing. indeed He responds to us but along the way when our prayers are answered, we are hard to thank Him in return—we ignore Him because we’re simply blinded by pleasures, and so again we have become ungrateful about the healing.

However without a doubt, every time we don’t get what we ask for, we later start to blame fate. complaints and whines are here and there at lips.. when it happens to me, oftentimes the spiritual enemies doing nothing less than to convince me that God doesn’t hear, unwilling to respond to my prayer. shall i, on my side, follow the enemies? instead i must come to thought that whenever my prayer for the quick healing is not yet answered, perhaps what i’m asking for is really not that good for me for the moment and in fact , it could perhaps harm me worse.

Even until now i keep praying for the tribulation to be less or slowly heal regardless of what i previously went through. the tests are meant to be present in any form. i only need to believe hard while praying.  we know that when Allah brings pain into our lives, He always has a reason.

Never give up praying. everything will be just okay..


tomyamfan; the presence of tests
Jan 1st, 2011 ; 4.30 pm


(sometimes it’s cool to write down what’s messy on mind. it’s such a good restart for the brain to function again)  ^__^

abilities within moderation

There have been laugh and fun. there have been mourn and cry, and curse and insult.. there have been jokes and pokes.

A first try to talk and greet..and to mingle and mix around. those time were sufficient enough allocated to build personality..the time when people were first let off to know what human are able to do.. about ability..

Personally, i’ve spent a long time discovering what im really good at.even for 22 years looking for the answer i dont think it helps me to find out. because i didnt actually discover. i went through the process of growing up accordingly to what it takes me to be, to go without really pondering on the significance and the options.

One who’s able to be IT literate exceeding the limit set, for instance, is not how i define ability. or perhaps being known all over the universe for the sayings they uttered, for the treatises they wrote, for the scientific formula they created.

Go back to the basic foundation, we can see everything is to do within limitation..thats where ability lies. i believe that moderation is set up by people who’re close to glory. they dont aim for praise and honour but the state of being moderate makes them be at the top of success.

I might stop thinking of  people’s expectation after this, but i’ll continue pondering what’s going to happen if people keep pretending that they were never told about moderation and that the Judgement day is sort of doubt..

Allah knows best. waallahu’alam~

a fact we cant deny

No matter how sophisticated computers are or how great technology can be, the fact cant bring us back to the past. technology doesnt work with past time and will never do. what has passed,just passed..we cant simply turn back and say, “reset..lets do it again..”  (no,we just cant).

It’s not what we have to regret anyway- because we should never even do – at least try not to deny that what has passed has passed,,people cant turn back time.. it’s what nature promised us to be like. in fact, wishing that we can reset yesterday is such a pointless way of make-up.

Thing to bear in mind – do not be in despair. for every misfortune that befell in the past, there’s hidden message asking us to reflect, reflect, and reflect. we cant go back to the past to re-do, but there’s always room for improvement.


(Sorry for wrong things i ever did in the past – i have less ability at treating people evenly well, perhaps.. But my pray is always for you; good health,bless and long life)


tomyamfan; she talks about life~
Vol 8, Sept 23rd 2010