iF i weRe 2 be sOrt of a rEcluse…




nothing else hides the sky frm the house,not another roof or tree. standing away from the sunlight that enters the windows freely, i look for signs of rain,for a shower to wet the earth. i walk to another room, my lonely mind trying to remember those who r not here. i walk frm room to room until im back in da room facing the bushes. im always afraid of wut wud happen to me next. at nite, unable to sleep, i listen for sounds of someone knocking,trying to enter the room of heart as tho the house must really be filled. there’s nothing in this house, no radio, no newspapers, or even a phone. no way of knowing anything except the tyme of day by the sun. there’s too, nothing in heart. juz empty..

i then cry the locked-away tears which burst out as soon as i find my self in a dark lonely nite. i hug myself tight as if nothing matters then, not even death. hey you, where are u? im here alone, nobody to talk to…. it cant be denied that im a girl who strongly believes in myself but this kind of loneliness causes my heart to beat rapidly. somehow deep inside i shall tell myself that this strong feeling, it must be thought of, agreed upon, if there’s to be fated that im all alone then it is. strength must always be there!

i lay down on a mat, close my eyes….

mom,dad..you say that whenever i want you, u wud b there. and now God knows how much i need you. i wud find u in the words and rhythm of songs that i sing, in the ABCs that i write, in the sketches that i draw, and in the sand castle that i luv to build. you said that u wud be right here……

sigh~ im all alone..

the light switch has been turned on and the house is awashed wit light. i open my eyes and see mom..and my sis-next to me,soundly asleep. sighing again~ yes they are here..thank God, for the pleasure of people i hve in life,to help me standing still on a road that keeps winding up and down..

having such splendid family members and surrounded by wonderful buddies of mine, wut else should i seek for? All praise be to You…

frm here i noe im not all alone. someone up there is looking after me, protecting me up above the sky..n still, He gifts me bliss to appreciate. losing a precious one doesn’t mean u lose everything. loneliness is still there ,deep in ur heart,no matter how many times you cut ur hair short, nor how hard u try to fake your smile.but life does serve everything tat will keep u smiling. treasure them! =)

-inspired by Gerson Poyk, A Thousand Lonely Nights.

“why war separates me from my beloved wife and unborn child. That was the first really lonely night. Grow up my daughter,at least in my heart..”


5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by emyross on November 24, 2008 at 10:35

    dun be a loner my dear.u do have worth. happy birthday!

  2. Posted by iamfantasia on November 24, 2008 at 17:30

    assume that u’re getting better.chaiyok etty!

  3. Posted by gigurlZ on November 25, 2008 at 01:42

    ak takot gelap…wahaaa

  4. Posted by tomyamfan on November 25, 2008 at 03:16

    emy,do i? ehhe..thx 4 wiShin~

    dhira,yeps.90% recovered.thk God ;)

  5. Posted by tomyamfan on November 25, 2008 at 21:17

    takot gelap sbb bckground itam kah?? ;p

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